Month: July 2026

  • Knitting Season

    Knitting Season

    Knitting is one of my oldest and most developed skills. I started when I was 20 years old. It was 2005 and I was working in a call centre for AT&T Wireless called Startek. There was a young man who sat beside me named Alex, and in between calls he would knit. He had purple needles and they would click away as scarves grew to length. He made them for his friends, he said.

    Curious, I went to the store and bought my own needles, a ball of red yarn, and got online to learn how to turn string into things like he did. Up until that point, my experience of knitting came in the form of gifts from my grandmother. She knit beautifully and I was an eager beneficiary.

    Even before YouTube existed, there were video tutorials for just about anything online. I don’t quite remember the name of the website I found and I can’t find it now, but I sat at my computer and learned the basics from a series of POV videos. I proudly proclaimed my first project to be “my red piece of crap”. It was small, misshapen and barely qualified as a “thing” at all. Next, I knit a scarf, then a hat, then a sweater. I kept challenging myself, learning how to knit with multiple colours, textures, and lace. I learned how to knit with beads and kept adding to my skill set as I went. I joined an online community of knitters and crocheters called Ravelry, where I still visit frequently looking through the database at new patterns and vegan-friendly yarns. I’ve documented many of my projects there over the nearly 20 years I’ve been a member.

    Knitting, like most of the forms of creative expression I enjoy, comes in waves. It’s been a few years since I made anything more than simple dish cloths or warm accessories for winter. Utilitarian knitting, not creative knitting. However, my needles started pricking at the edge of my dreams as soon as I got engaged. I want to make my own dress, and if I don’t knit the whole thing, I want to at least incorporate some delicate lace.

    It got me to thinking I’d like to add some of my favourite completed projects here to my website. I’m playing around with some ideas on how I’d like to do that. You may have already noticed there is a Knitting page currently under construction. I will likely publish each project as its own post, and then add them to that page. I want to add photos, notes, material lists, and links to the designer’s patterns for the benefit of other crafty curious individuals. In an age where I’m trusting external channels less and less, it will feel good to house it all under my own roof, so to speak.

    Knitting has gotten me through a lot of tough times in my life. There is something about the mundane repetitive activity of pulling loops through other loops that makes you feel like you’re making progress, even if you might be feeling a setback in other parts of your life. In some ways, I feel like I stitched myself back together, fortified with yarn. I look forward to showcasing some of the projects that kept my hands busy through grief, depression, joy, anxiety, and illness as I navigate the journey of life.

  • Refilling the Shell

    a life update

    Dear Reader, life changes fast, and I’m here with an update. My website has been sitting for a while unused. I’ve been reflecting on why that is, and I think I’ve lost touch with the purpose of this space. Some of that is because I started posting somewhat-polished pieces on my Substack, and even started a podcast called THOUGHTSCRAPES on there. I’ve made 5 episodes so far and I’m really enjoying the process of creating them, but the hustle and bustle of summer and my kiddo home from school means I get to spend a lot more time with family doing fun summer things, so my priorities are settled into experiences right now rather than creativity.

    And boy has it been hot! If you’re reading this and not drenched in sweat, what is your secret? I’ve had to cut back on my mental health walks simply because I may perish in this heat. We went to the Royal Saskatchewan Museum on the weekend to say our annual hello to Scotty the T Rex and see the new owl exhibit, and even inside that building, which I’m sure is temperature controlled to protect the artifacts and displays, was almost unpleasant in its mugginess.

    It’s also been quite a rainy summer so far. I love rain and I’m grateful my house has held up its integrity with no leaks. Other parts of my city haven’t been so lucky. The cool thing about the added moisture though, is that there have been a lot of mushrooms popping up everywhere. A sign of a healthy ecosystem, so I’m always happy to find them in my yard. It’s also made me curious to learn more about mycology and mushroom foraging. I started following this really awesome woman named Alexis Nikole who goes by @blackforager on Instagram, and her entire energy around foraging is so infectious. She’s a well of amazing information and I’ve been slurping it all up, poring over books on local plant life, and can’t wait to start recognizing things in the wild.

    Possibly my biggest news is that Taylor and I are engaged. He surprised me by getting down on one knee on a video chat all the way from where he lives in Texas. He had mailed me a ring and the moment was so perfect and beautiful. I’ve never felt so seen and accepted by someone, so the yes burst out with an enthusiasm I didn’t know I was capable of considering marriage is something I’ve actively avoided in the past. Turns out I wasn’t anti-marriage, I just hadn’t found someone who loved me the way I needed to be loved to feel safe.

    As a natural reaction to getting engaged, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’d even want from a wedding. I’ve decided the most important things to me (in order) are:

    1. Darwin is there
    2. I make my own dress
    3. It’s in a forest or garden

    Other than that I really don’t mind the details. I’m just so happy to love and to be loved by someone who I can share a mutual vulnerability with, and who never tries to dull my sparkle.

    I’ve picked up the knitting needles again. Strange timing, given the heat, I know, but from my air conditioned basement TV room, the seasons don’t seem to matter. I’m just making a simple dishcloth right now, or rather, finishing one I started probably 6 months ago or so, knit one corner of, and then abandoned in my knitting bag. I am going to need more practice with lace, so once this is done, I’m moving on to a nice summer top with a lace panel on the body and sleeves. I’ll make it out of this lovely dark teal cotton/linen blend yarn I’ve had in my stash for a few years.

    I started a new book a few days ago called Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, a Mexican-American woman who is also a Jungian psychoanalyst. I really enjoy Carl Jung’s work, and this book seems to be a wonderful mix of Jungian concepts through a feminist lens focused on empowerment and return to form. Getting in touch with our inner wild feminine, so often suppressed in patriarchal society.

    Speaking personally, most of the men I’ve known in my life, and plenty of women too, have tried to control, hurt, suppress, or shame me into a box. I’ve lived feeling like I need to shrink to fit, and I’m sorry to say that I did. I lost parts of myself along the way. I’d bend and twist and cut off the pieces that weren’t acceptable until what was left was someone I didn’t recognize. I was someone who existed trying to be loved and learning I couldn’t be without adding or subtracting, hiding and abiding. I’m learning to love myself exactly as I am, and I’m refilling the shell I became.

    Maybe the new purpose of this space will be documenting the joy I’m rediscovering in life; the things I’m learning on my path back to the me I was before the world told me that wasn’t acceptable. I’m building back my creativity, my curiosity, and my connection with nature and my personal spirituality. I’m in the middle of healing and it’s a beautiful place to be and grow.